


Wish I Was Here

by bearfeathers



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dad Phil Coulson, F/F, F/M, Families of Choice, Gen, M/M, Memory Loss, Parent-Child Relationship, Slice of Life, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-24 23:31:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2600387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearfeathers/pseuds/bearfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Phil Coulson's memories: the old ones he lost and the new ones he made along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wish I Was Here

Andrea Coulson doesn’t think much of the fact that her father is away for long periods of time. Well, she tries not to, anyway. She misses him, of course, and is always ecstatic upon his return, but even at the tender age of five she understands very well that what her father does is important. He stops the bad guys, stops the bullies, and protects the good people; she knows other people need him to do those things more than she needs to be tucked in and kissed on the head and read a bedtime story.

Not that she doesn’t sometimes resent the fact that he isn’t always there to do those things, but when he’s away she gets to sleep over Aunty Peggy’s house, at least.

Aunty Peggy makes tea and bakes yummy foods and plays dress-up and pretend and builds forts with her all day. But the best part is when she tells Andy stories about Captain America. They’re different stories than the ones in her father’s comic books, but still very good, she thinks.

When her father comes to pick her up, she does as she’s told and hurries to pack her things in her knapsack like a good little soldier. Uncle Felix and Uncle John are with him and they’re not really her uncles any more than Aunty Peggy is her aunt, but she has a habit of assigning herself aunts and uncles as she pleases, which her father says she shouldn’t do but which no one really puts a stop to. With Bucky Bear under one arm and Captain Bear under the other, she scuttles towards the kitchen as fast as her little legs will carry her.

Peeking around the doorway, she watches what appears to be a very serious conversation. She thinks they all look tired and Uncle Felix looks grumpier than usual so maybe he just needs more coffee. But even Uncle John doesn’t look very happy. She knows what her father looks like when he’s tired or hurt and as young as she is, she reads it in the dark circles under his eyes and the stiffness of his movements and the paleness of his face.

“We’ll keep looking,” he’s saying as she listens in.

“I know you will, Phillip, it’s just… I don’t want you making the same mistakes I have,” Peggy says, very quietly. “She’s still very young. She needs a parent in her life.”

“I know,” Phil says. “I know, but I promised you—“

“That was before you had a kid,” John is quick to butt in. “No offense, Peggy.”

“None taken,” Peggy assures him. She pats Phil on the arm. “How many times have you gotten yourself into trouble while trying to keep your promises to me, hm? It doesn’t have to be the most important thing in your life. It shouldn’t be. Keep looking, but don’t overlook what’s right in front of you.”

“And maybe routinely pulling your fat out of the fire is getting a little tiring for some people,” Felix chimes in.

“It’s a setback, but that doesn’t mean we should give up,” Phil argues. “Just because this lead didn’t pan out doesn’t mean the next won’t. Besides, this is my assignment. Director Fury wouldn’t have placed me here if he didn’t want me to conduct the investigation.”

Peggy makes a thoughtful noise at that. “Well, Nicholas has been known to implement some… strange policies. I’ll be having a word with him tomorrow. In the meantime, I believe we have a little spy in our midst.”

Suddenly with four sets of adult eyes on her, Andy thinks that perhaps she shouldn’t have been listening in on their conversation. Gripping her two stuffed bears tightly, she shuffles completely into view but refuses to hang her head.

“I’m ready to go,” she announces.

“I think you forgot something,” Phil corrects her.

She sighs when he arches an eyebrow expectantly. “I’m sorry I was listenin’.”

“And?”

“Thank you for the sleep over, Aunty Peggy.”

No one really seems to mind that she’d been listening and Andy’s not about to go and say that they should. So Peggy kisses her goodbye and she giggles as the older woman wipes the lipstick off her cheeks before turning her over to the three men. John throws her over his shoulder and takes off at a sprint, making airplane noises and eliciting excited squeals from the young girl even as Felix trails after, grousing about his fellow agent’s irresponsible handling of a child.

Phil lingers with Peggy, wrapping up his conversation before joining the other two at the car and relieving John of his daughter. Andy looks up as her father leans into the back seat, straightening out her special seatbelt—the one that makes it easier to strap across her chest because she’s not done growing yet. She thinks about the conversation she’d heard and she’s got more than a few questions.

“Daddy?” she asks.

“What is it, Bambi?”

“It’s been a real long time since Cap’n ‘Merica got lost.”

Phil nods indulgently, gripping her under her armpits to hoist her into her seat. “Yes, it has.”

“How come Aunty Peggy is still looking for him?” she asks, swinging her legs as she’s buckled in.

“Because she loved him very much,” Phil answers.

Andy frowns and scrunches her freckled nose as she recalls some of the stories she’d been told. “Then how come she let him crash his plane?”

Phil pauses after he checks to make sure she’s strapped in. It’s not until she’s much older that she understands what he means when he brushes her hair back, kisses her forehead and smiles gently as he answers, “Because she loved him very much.”

At that moment she’s not older; she’s just a five year-old girl and to her, the idea of letting someone crash their plane because you love them doesn’t make much sense at all. Although typically quite chatty, she remains primarily silent during their ride, trying to make sense of the idea. Eventually, she gives up, coming to the conclusion that it’s a silly thing to do no matter which way you look at it. Meanwhile, her father and uncles have been busy talking: about the place they came back from and the places they might yet go.

She knows it’s rude to interrupt, but she can’t help but worriedly blurt, “You just got back! Are you going away again?”

She frowns as she watches Felix and John share a look in the front seat. For his part, Phil stares down at his hands, folded in his lap. No one says anything for what feels like a very long time. Finally, Phil reaches over, laying a hand on her head.

“No, we’re not going away again,” he tells her. “I don’t think we’ll be going away again for a long time.”

“Are you not gonna look anymore?” she pries.

Phil makes an indecisive noise in the back of his throat. “Well… not exactly. I’m done looking for now, but not forever.”

“How come?” she asks. “Did Aunty Peggy tell you?”

“Aunty Peggy reminded me that some things are more important,” Phil says, ruffling her hair.

“Like what?”

Phil laughs. He always does that when she starts asking a lot of questions and she’s still not sure why.

“Like ice cream,” he answers.

“Ice cream?” she echoes hopefully.

“Ice cream!” John says, punching the roof of the van.

Felix groans in the passenger seat. But he doesn’t argue.


End file.
